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How To Welcome Your New Daughter-In-law Into The Family
Marriages are possibly the best way to expand your family and I don’t just mean through procreation. When you marry, you bring in a new member and then there is his or her family, which becomes an extension of your existing one.
However, not all relationships run smoothly and it seems the norm with most mother-in-laws and their daughter-in-laws. I don’t know whether Nature intended that there should be so much animosity in what ought to be a very happy connection. After all, every mother wants her son to be happy and hence, on his choosing a life partner, ought to make every endeavor to show support.
There are far too many newly married women who strongly believe that their mother-in-laws are out to get them. If your son is getting married and you want the best for him, how do you break away from this stereotype? It is relatively simple if you, by nature, tend to give people the benefit of doubt. If not, this article has some advice to offer you on how to welcome your new daughter-in-law into the family.
- First and foremost, respect your son’s decision. If he has chosen someone that he feels he will be happy with, then don’t present endless arguments on why the girl is all wrong for him. Everyone has specific needs, likes and dislikes. It is not something that can be dictated to them. Your son is an adult and knows what he is doing. Accept it as a fact. His choices will not look quite so wrong if you understand that you need to step back and he needs to take charge of the direction in which his life is heading.
- Don’t talk down to your daughter-in-law. When the newest member of your family steps in, you can be sure she will have her guard up. If you want to win her over, don’t belittle who she is, what she does or where she comes from. Never wrinkle your nose at her cooking or her taste in clothes, cosmetics or anything else that has nothing to do with you. No one likes to be treated small so refrain from disparaging comments.
- Show her respect. You can build a very good relationship with her by showing her respect and expressing support for her decisions. There is nothing more reassuring for a newly wedded young woman than the approval she gets from her mother-in-law. This kind of emotional support will boost her confidence and make her feel more a part of the family. You can be certain that she will be grateful and treat you in turn with love and respect.
- Get to know her better. If your son and daughter-in-law live far away from you, don’t let that stand in the way of your getting to know her. Invite them over for vacations or short trips and express a genuine interest in her life. If you make an effort to know her, you might realize that she is a worthwhile friend to have after all. Tell her about yourself, your interests, family history, funny anecdotes and so on.
- Don’t act jealous. It’s hard to imagine middle aged women exhibiting jealousy over their sons but it is true. Many do feel that they have a sole right to their children and everyone or everything else amounts to interference. In behaving in this childish manner (as surprisingly several women do), you will be putting yourself in an awkward position. Your daughter-in-law will find it hard to respect or even like you.
- Go out together. Take your daughter-in-law out to lunch, spend some time together on a shopping trip or a visit to the hairdressers. This is your way of extending a friendly hand and showing her that you are only interested in seeing your son and her happily settled. Buy her a thoughtful present to welcome her into the family.
- Introduce her to family and friends. Throw a party or a family get-together. This is a wonderful chance for everyone to get to know the new daughter-in-law. Introduce her to everyone and explain family connections.
Tips and Warnings
- Don’t be possessive of your son. If he is married or thinking of marrying, then he’s a big boy now and it’s time to let go. When he was a little boy, you were his entire world but as he grew up, that space was slowly filled with many other friends, family and interests. Understand that no matter what happens, he will always be your son and you will always be his mother and no one can ever change that special relationship.
- When the couple quarrels, steer clear of any discussions with them. Let them sort things out on their own. If your advice is badly needed, make sure that it is neutral, taking no sides.